Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Pop in, pop out.

I've been able to maintain fairly friendly relations with both former Spouses, one I share a child with and so it goes without saying that I want to have good feelings toward him and we both care for one another a great deal.

The other I have no children with, we had dogs, he chose to leave it all behind, he moved out of the country in fact, talk about running from your past. He and I are still quite connected, I am close to his family, friends with his friends, we are Facebook friends for the love of Pete! He has a tendency to send random postcards from his travel, awkward emails pointing to the fact that he "thinks of me everyday" or "misses" me... These drive me completely bat shit! Its not so much that I don't want him to care, its that he left without giving me any closure, he tends to hang on while I have had to move forward, why does he behave as though he pines for what we had when he chose to discard it? Is it that we always want what we can't have?

I mean, I was a fairly good partner, loving, devoted, loyal, fun, sexual and I know that people change and they also get scared. Being a stepparent is no picnic, blended families struggle, this is not news to me. I sometimes feel sorry for my ex, he is confused, running scared for 3 years now, struggling to connect with people or to feel worthy, harboring guilt and sorrow.
In the end, I believe I made out much better than he did. And after this journey, that is always a bit surprising for me to realize and a somewhat satisfying. I am a tough broad.

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