Shrinkage

In the last year I have been physically shrinking. Exercise you ask? Not even a bit... It's all due to the magic of HCG. I inject a hormone into my body, consume a mere 500 calories a day, no alcohol, no sugar, no bread, no pasta, no dairy, and its marvelous.

For a girl who loves her food pushing my body to the depths of deprivation has been quite an adventure. Portion size, quality, limited consumption, all are at the forefront of my thoughts, its almost become a fun game for me. Thankfully the HCG curbs my voracious hunger and my body feels somewhat sated.

Next week I start round 3, a 26 day regimen that I hope will rid me of my muffin top and then some. Sometimes nothing feels better than thin. Nothing. I will update with my progress.

Indulgence

I have never been one to turn to illicit drugs for a release or to cope, my substance of choice is alcohol. I don't drink daily, rarely to the point of blacking out, I do not suffer from withdrawal or the shakes but still, I wonder if I overindulge.

How much is too much? More than 3 drinks in one sitting? I don't slur, I certainly believe that I can do anything but that is not attributed to my alcohol consumption, I am just too stubborn to think otherwise.

I am prone to forgetfulness, but sometimes that is a good thing in my book. Today I feel like death warmed over, mostly because I drank to excess all weekend... am going to take a few days off to rest and recover.

Pop in, pop out.

I've been able to maintain fairly friendly relations with both former Spouses, one I share a child with and so it goes without saying that I want to have good feelings toward him and we both care for one another a great deal.

The other I have no children with, we had dogs, he chose to leave it all behind, he moved out of the country in fact, talk about running from your past. He and I are still quite connected, I am close to his family, friends with his friends, we are Facebook friends for the love of Pete! He has a tendency to send random postcards from his travel, awkward emails pointing to the fact that he "thinks of me everyday" or "misses" me... These drive me completely bat shit! Its not so much that I don't want him to care, its that he left without giving me any closure, he tends to hang on while I have had to move forward, why does he behave as though he pines for what we had when he chose to discard it? Is it that we always want what we can't have?

I mean, I was a fairly good partner, loving, devoted, loyal, fun, sexual and I know that people change and they also get scared. Being a stepparent is no picnic, blended families struggle, this is not news to me. I sometimes feel sorry for my ex, he is confused, running scared for 3 years now, struggling to connect with people or to feel worthy, harboring guilt and sorrow.
In the end, I believe I made out much better than he did. And after this journey, that is always a bit surprising for me to realize and a somewhat satisfying. I am a tough broad.

This is not starting at the beginning, but..

I will work my way around that.
Things to know, I am divorced, twice. In the past I was a serial monogomist.
These days I live life so differently, my last relationship formally ended in July but hung on emotionally til just recently. There will be much more to share on this topic..
Poop and sex are two of my favorite topics, so get used to it.
I have a Son who I have a sneaking feeling I fail on a daily basis.

I have few secrets, I am here to lay it all out. The good, the bad, the very ugly.